A GOOD sunday

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Sorry I haven't updated in a bit I went mia on my own brain it feels like... last Tuesday I woke up with a migraine from actual hell and could barely even move let alone take care of a baby so lucky for me my mom could take care of her but unfortunately Harlow was having a bad day too so pretty much it was a nightmare in the household lol Harlows acid reflux was at a all time high so she was throwing up having seizures and her being backed up because she can't finish her formula correctly it was pretty bad so long story short I really hope a day like that never happens again there wasn't one moment thru the day she wasn't crying mean while I'm dying and the crying isn't helping and I feel so bad I can't be there for her let alone do anything for her so it was a LONG DAY ... but besides that Harlows infant spazum have started to slow down haven't gone away but have slowed the treatment plan we have her on is going to take time I just pray it works also using franincents oils have been helping take the edge off for her as well.. her eye sight to us looks like it's getting a little better when it's light out or lots of lights are on she's able to follow us so I know we may just be shadows but it's good to know she can at least see some things.. as for me I'm hanging in there like usual some days are better then others im still in Therapy for postpartum it helps a lot but the more the seizures stop the more I feel like I'm becoming more accepting of the situation we're in I don't agree with it I hate that she has to go thru it but I'm not as scared of her as I was I think I've just become very desensitized to her which sucks but had to be done with everything going on I've decided also to rename her infant spazum lol I just tell her there are little gremlins building homes cus they think they can live there she cant understand me yet but at least I feel like I have something to say besides oh here comes another seizure Hang in there 🙄 so yea Harlows got some gremlins lol as for me and Bobby same ol same ol he's been working a lot and I've been doing the shop ( THANK GOD it is the best thing for me )our goal still is to try and get a home because drum roll pleaseeeeee....we've decided to adopt (not right now lol) but when we get a home that's our next move I want Harlow to have a buddy that will always look out for her tho she has cousins and close baby's her age cus of my friends that she will be able to grow up with  but I just want to know she will always have someone till she's old and grey  it's a 1 and 4 chance that we would have another baby with this and she's 1 in 11 million sooo I can't risk it and I can't go thru this again I've barely made it thru this and it's only been two months it's hard to know I'll never be able to be pregnant again or experience a "normal" pregnancy unless they find out how she got it which until they have more info in it they won't know but on that note she got in to the rare conditions study in Washington (yay) so they may one day know until then adoption it is and because I was adopted I'm actually excited to have a special bond with both my kids in completely different ways and that way I can request a boy because I have always wanted a lil guy so there is some light at the end of the tunnel on that part of things Harlow will always be the light in our lives and we will always fight like hell for her but I'm excited to know that one day we will be able to have one more and watch them grow together ugh it warms my soul to know something like that...so today was a good day went to church went to brunch for one of my best friends birthday and hung out with my husband and littles tomorrow may suck I don't know it's day by day with her but I'm happy I got a good day for a change Harlow only had 3 gremlin attacks to day so it's better then the 10-15 she was having 😩 well I think that's all for now goodnight everyone!


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