the end of 2016 the best and worst year of my life

Saturday, December 31, 2016

So it's almost New Year's 2017 can't believe it's already that year feels like it was just 2000 AnyWho we go to big bear every year with a group of friends and celebrate so this year it was no different and I have been looking forward to this trip for seriously like two months because I really wanted a break from reality just from at all everything that's been going on little did I know that you don't really get a break from life which I already know but I thought coming up getting away from everything maybe I would well I don't know if it's the altitude or if it's just getting worse but Harlow has been having this new kind of seizure called a jackknife seizure it started a couple weeks ago but it was maybe once a day now it's probably six or seven times a day and I don't really know how to explain it but it's different than your average seizure but the medicine that she's on for her normal seizures isn't preventing that type of seizure so I've been trying to get her into the doctor but the doctor went on vacation so with that being said we just got to live with it until he comes back yay so that little vacation getaway or I could shut my mind off and have a good time with friends and my daughter and my husband kind of went to shit because now I'm walking on eggshells again I'm just waiting for it to get easier I hope that I can do a positive blog post soon because I feel like I've had nothing but negative stuff to say because I don't have anything good to share other than she's adorable ... i've been praying extra hard lately not that I haven't been before but I just need a sign I need something to keep me going I just feel like I am hoping and praying and putting all my faith into God and I don't have any proof of him and I get it that's what faith is but I could really use a miracle right about now or at least a sign that you're there and that you're trying to help me through this .. this year I'm not doing any New Year's resolutions because I've learned that I can't plan ahead I can't even plan a day ahead anymore I don't know what the future holds for me and my family I know that no one else does either but you guys have a general idea at least so for me this new year just means I made it one more year in spite of everything that's been going on I have the slightest idea how and some days I just wonder how the hell I'm going to get through the next day but I'm somehow making it I'm not gonna lie having something to distract my mind has been the biggest blessing in the world so for everyone who has purchased something from my little shop on Etsy or on Instagram you seriously have absolutely no idea how helpful you are being as for me and Bobby were right I feel like we're on completely different pages now he's such an optimist and just only sees The good in her which I absolutely love but sometimes when I need some reassuring doesn't go over that well because he just thinks I'm negative or he doesn't understand why I can't see the good and it's not but I can't see the good I just have to be realistic so it's more of a balancing act than anything but at least Harlow has one parent that no matter what can always hold her can always talk to her and never be freaking out and never have breakdowns and if he does that he's really good at hiding them but that's just how Bobby is he's really good at pushing on and letting things go I wish I could take a page out of his book as for our marriage it's the same having a baby with medical issues like I said in previous blog posts I think you have a choice to let it tear you apart or let it make you become closer and for us neither has happened we just remain the same I think because Bobby likes to look at things like nothings wrong which is a good thing well I think that's all for now I hope everyone has a safe New Year's please no one drink and drive it's not worth it that's why they've invented Uber's and lifts and cheers to 2017 I hope to God this year is different...

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